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It's early February, and love is supposedly in the air. Egregious displays featuring shiny, heart-shaped Whitman's Samplers and creepy paper-mache cupids festoon the windows of Duane Reades and Rite-Aids all over the city.

If one was to make a mix about love, one would need to include nearly every song ever written. Because of this, and not because I'm ragingly single, I've decided to make an anti-love mix for all those who won't be getting a Whitman's Sampler this year. We need a mix, damn it.

Feel the love!

1. "Love Hurts" - Gram Parsons & Emmylou Harris

This song contains the pain of every person who has ever suffered heartbreak, and still manages to be breathtakingly beautiful. That last "Oh-ooooh" renders me speechless. On Thursday, I'll be home listening to Gram & Emmylou, eating a pile of chocolate that I bought myself, and being very happy. Or being very sad. Or both. Whatever.

2. "Don't Love You" - The Chapin Sisters

The sisters are drunk on wine, fool! They don't love your weak ass. But they're singing it so sweetly, that you don't quite get the message. Oh well. (Even though I can't find this song anywhere on the Internet, I'm still including it. Here are the lyrics, and here's their MySpace. Put them together and use your imagination.)

3. "I Hate Love" - The Jazz Butcher Conspiracy

Somehow I don't believe that this band hates love, even though the name of their latest record is Rotten Soul. It says here that they have a wild crush on Shirley MacLaine. That's love if I've ever heard it. But the band's founder, Pat Fish, was a philosophy major at Oxford, so maybe he does hate love. Hmmm.

4. "I Don't Need Love, I've Got My Band" - The Radio Dept.

The mantra of millions, perhaps explaining the scourge of intra-band hook-ups.

5. "I Love You Baby (But I Don't Have Time)" - Manic Sewing Circle

I've heard this one before. What a load of crap.

6. "I Don't Want to Hear About Your Crappy Boyfriend" - Honest Bob and the Factory-to-Dealer Incentives

To paraphrase: Honest Bob just wants to know if you're staying over or going over to your crappy boyfriend's place. The Bruins game is about to start, so hurry up.

7. "I Don't Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" - Sloppy Seconds

Fine! Whatever! Go watch the Bruins.

8. "I Hate Myself For Loving You" - Joan Jett & The Blackhearts

Leave it to Joan to articulate this nightmarish situation. Let's look at her hotness. The boots! The hair! The snarl! The Blackhearts! Now that's the true meaning of Valentine's Day.

9. "Love Stinks" - J. Geils Band

'Nuff said.

10. "Anti-Love Song" - Betty Davis

This hot little funkfest about not wanting to love someone because you know they'll rip your insides out and leave you for dead brings this mix full-circle, back to love hurting like hell.

Happy Val Day folks! Besos.