I've been steering clear of MTV's new reality show Rock the Cradle, which is odd, because I usually eat reality TV up with a shovel. Who Wants to Marry My Dad? Check. Groomer Has It? Check. And the list goes on.
During the weeks of promos preceding Cradle's premiere on April 3, I was somewhat intrigued by the show's concept (kids of rock stars compete in an American Idol-esque singing competition). But that fleeting benevolence withered on the vine when the rock "stars" from which these little apples had fallen were revealed: Joe Walsh--yes; Dee Snyder--ok fine; that guy from the Doobie Brothers--I'll accept that. But MC Hammer, Al B. Sure! (though I loved loved loved "Night and Day" and thought Al B. looked like a black Tom Cruise), Eddie Money, and Bobby Brown? Come on. (I could see myself tuning in to watch Bobbi Christina belt out "Didn't We Almost Have It All," but Bobby's son Landon? Not so much.) And then we have two softsational-stars of the 1970s: Kenny Loggins and Olivia Newton John. Being softsational at heart, I can't deny the vocal talent that Loggins and ONJ posses, but do I want to hear their offspring sing? No, thanks. And when the bloated, plasticky face of ONJ's daughter, Chloe Lattanzi (she looks like Marilyn Manson, no?), floated onto my TV screen, the deal was sealed: even I couldn't watch this mess.
Apparently, I'm not alone. So, here's a mix of some of the more talented musicians who happen to be rock-star offspring--and didn't need a reality show to get them where they are. (Note: one of my parameters was the kids had to have their own musical project. So no Wolfgang Van Halen (though it truly breaks my heart) or Jason Bonham, et al.)
1. "Wait For Me" - Sean Lennon, son of John
Go, Sean, go! Erase the hideous memories of your half-brother Julian's "Too Late For Goodbyes"!
2. "Soul of a Man" - Ollabelle (Amy Helm, daughter of Levon)
A slinky blues cover from the American Roots band.
3. "100 Year Thing" - Chris Stills, son of Stephen
Sounds smooth and luxurious, like Daddy, or a fragrant hand soap.
4. "Shake (Yo Mama)" - North Mississippi Allstars (Luther & Cody Dickinson, sons of Jim)
Two sons for the price of one.
5. "Sex on the Dance Floor" - Whitestarr (Alex "Orbi" Orbison, son of Roy)
Awwww, Orbi! I was really rooting for you and Kat Von D. I'm kind of bummed about the breakup. What does she see in nasty-ass Nikki Sixx?!
6. "Do I Disappoint You?" - Rufus Wainwright, son of Loudon
No you don't. Stop asking! Everyone loves you, so get over it.
7. "Say" - thenewno2 (Dhani Harrison, son of George)
Pronounced "Danny." Sounds and looks as cute as dad did.
8. "Something Good This Way Comes" - Jakob Dylan, son of Bob
Let us praise the demise of the Wallflowers and embrace JD's forthcoming solo effort!
9. "Walkin' With Sorrow" - Hank Williams III, son of Hank Jr., grandson of Hank
I picked this one because he yodels like his grandpaw.
10. "Sinkin' Soon" - Norah Jones, daughter of Ravi Shankar
Norah, you sexpot! I clutch my parasol tighter.
Bonus Tracks
"Hold On" - Wilson Phillips, daughters of John & Michelle Phillips (Chynna) and Brian Wilson (Carnie & Wendy)
I couldn't help it! WP is the holy triumvirate of rock star kid bands and the progenitor of a haircut!
"Tomorrow People" - Ziggy Marley & The Melody Makers, son of Bob
Why not?
This gets me thinking about the futures of some nearly-adult children of rock stars--will Frances Bean, Zoe Kravitz, and Lourdes (I'm giving her one name, like mom) grow up to (in the words of Bret Michaels, the bandanna-ed nucleus of one MTV reality show that I totally watched)--rock our world? One can only hope...
