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This news will delight at least as many people as it will distress.

In a recent interview, Coldplay frontman Chris Martin discussed where his band are at these days: "The reason we're the biggest band in the world at the moment is because the others are on holiday. That's how you get your breaks. That's how the understudy gets his opportunity. While U2 and Green Day are away, we've got to make the most of it." 

Others might suggest that Coldplay's success is due to them watering-down their music until it became Adult Contemporary. Yes, I would be one of those people.

However, Martin doesn't want the kind of longevity that U2 and Green Day have enjoyed. He says, "I'm 31 now and I don't think bands should keep going past 33. So we're trying to pack it in as much as possible. Up until the end of next year, we'll just go for it in every sense. I don't believe in time off. We've still got our hair, we can still fit into our musical trousers, and we've got to make the most of that." 

So Chris Martin, like Jesus, is going to retire at age 33. While there are plenty of musicians who are still going strong in their later years (Iggy Pop, Tina Turner, Leonard Cohen), I don't want to distract Martin from his thoughts of retirement.

I don't dislike Coldplay because they're painfully uncool (I love Simon & Garfunkel without any sense of irony). I dislike them because they're painfully boring. They're the type of mainstream band you can complain about when you say, "If there were any justice in the world, __________ would be top of the charts instead of Coldplay." Perhaps Jez from the great television program Peep Show said it best: "People like Coldplay and voting for the Nazis, you can't trust people!"

Even though it's not popular to admit these days, I actually think that a couple early Coldplay tracks are good. But almost immediately they veered off into a repetitive and bland direction. That, along with Martin's aching sincerity as he stands next to Bono, has made him Pop Music's latest whipping boy, particularly amongst hipsters. While he might not be in the worst band out there (that's still you, Nickelback), he also hasn't turned out anything great in years, despite having all the accoutrements that go along with being "The Biggest Band in the World."

So the countdown begins now: Only two years of Coldplay to go.

....Until they run out of money and do their first reunion gig before 2015.