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Last week, while perusing the network morning shows, I came across a trio of screeching blond girls bleating what sounded like a re-worked ABBA song into a trio of three little microphones. They had to have been about ten years old. Immediate Thought: don't you have to be able to sing to be on a morning show? Even to be on the second-tier shows like The Morning Show with Mike & Juliet or CW11 Morning News with Suki and John or Fox's Good Day New York? While contorting my face into a "my ears are bleeding" mask, I flung the remote to the far reaches of my bed and ran, bleary-eyed to my computer. I had to research.

On my way across the living room, I had Secondary Thought: poor things. I mean, they are just kids, and they're being trotted out to perform on national television, boosted by what is surely an entourage of stage mothers, producers, agents, "image consultants," et al, who are all repeating how wonderful the girls look and sound, how they've got "it," how they are going to be superstars. So, the poor things. Because no matter that our culture has shifted such that my pre-teen dreams of being on television were just that--dreams, and now, this particular brand of dreams are a bona fide reality (anyone and everyone can be on TV, can sing, can grasp for whatever they want through the power of broadcasting and sheer will; and broadcasting embraces everyone, if even to make fun of them), no matter all of this, they are still girls, and girls are precious and easily deluded when it comes to positive reinforcement of their good looks and talent. It's cruel. The poor blond mice.

They are called the Clique Girlz. And they were on the CW11 Morning News. Their names—get ready—are Ariel, Destiny, and Paris. Destiny and Paris are sisters. They are 12 and 13. They all have the same hay-blond haircut (Destiny, the apparent rebel, doesn't sweep her bangs to the side like the other girls) with no trace of dark roots but they all have dead-giveaway brown eyebrows. They dress in what look like Pat Benatar Halloween costumes, complete with skinny jeans, off-the-shoulder T-shirts, and delicate studded belts. Their single is called "Incredible." They shriek along with a vocal track on the choruses. (Disturbing note: on the CW 11 Morning News blog, when you click on the Clique Girlz item from this week, the related video is--get ready--a news clip about the 17 Gloucester, MA high school teenagers who are pregnant because they were reportedly involved in a "pregnancy pact." Enough said.)

This triumvirate of shrill poptarts, in addition to my new volunteer activity--Willie Mae Rock Camp for Girls (I'm going to be a "band coach!")--spurned me to research some more notable Willie Mae alums and their pals. So, to combat the negative side of kids in the music biz (otherwise known as "the Miley Cyrus side") here's a mix of some of the youngest, rockingest kids on the planet.

(A lot of the tracks are not available on iTunes, so be sure to check out all of the MySpace pages).

1. "Met You on MySpace" - Care Bears on Fire

CBOF are the most famous of the kid rockers. Friends since kindergarten, these Brooklynites are, in their own words, "sweet but edgy." Their debut full-length record, I Stole Your Animal, was released last fall. They're playing tonight at Southpaw, if you're in the 'hood.

2. "Hologram World" - Tiny Masters of Today

Great band name #2. This track features Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

3. "Waiting for Something" - Smoosh

Seattle sisters Asya, Chloe, and Maia have vocal control and musical/songwriting ability beyond their years. Chloe learned drums from Jason McGerr of Death Cab for Cutie, and it shows.

4. "Block Party" - Magnolia

I think their MySpace "About Magnolia" section says it all: "Hugo and Zora met when Hugo moved to Brooklyn from Texas and they were in the same 4th grade class. They both rocked out at Willie Mae Rock n Roll Camp for Girls the following summer and were 2/5 of the camp band Hellish Relish. Magnolia was forged in after-school and weekend practice sessions in a tiny drum closet at a rehearsal space boasting a candy machine with swedish fish and fruity mentos. Their aggressive, distorted power chords and pummeling beats are not cute! It's not about age, it's about ROCK!!!!!!"

5. "Julie Julie" - The Minors

What's not to love about three little girls named Eliza, Emillie, and Cecile singing a song about their bummed out friend Julie?

6. "L.A. Pickup" - ModRocket

These chicks bring out their inner Joan Jetts with dangerously felonious lyrics like "oh mister please take your time" punctuated by grunts and growls and lots and lots of crunchy, lightning-quick guitar licks.

7. "Too Awesome For You" - Adventures of Isabel

Band name inspired by an Ogden Nash poem, song title inspired by awesomeness. Awesomeness proven by lyrics such as, "I'm hot/you're not/and there's nothing you can do," and "Good luck/'cause you suck."

8. "Steve Herman" - Fiasco

These crazy kids are known for playing shows in the round at random Brooklyn apartments and at all-ages shows all over the Northeast.

9. "Drivin' to California" - Still Pending

You can catch these shaggy-haired Oregonians at Portland's Baby Woodstock Festival on July 12. They sound like Green Day with far less-bratty vocals and look like they might have a sideline as Zack & Cody's stand-ins.

10. "RockNRoll" - Toxic Muffin

Brooklyn's own mini slacker-punks sing a song about how their song is the only good song on the radio. How very meta! (Yes, I meant "meta," not "metal.")

There you have it, the antidote to Miley, Ariel, Destiny, Paris, and the Jonas Brothers. So turn off your TV and support these kid bands...the future of music is in their hands!